she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
