You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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