But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
