Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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