i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
