I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
