i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
