It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
