I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
