We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
zippers are such a cool invention
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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