I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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