So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
FUCK WHALES
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
