its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
