I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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