She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
