You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
