its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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