Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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