He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize