I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
