So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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