The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
