dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
