at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
pray to the hookup gods
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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