There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
