and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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