Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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