No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
