We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
