I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
