Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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