my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
