I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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