I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He passed out mid-signature
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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