If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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