Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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