omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
