I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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