Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
