I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize