So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
