I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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