1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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