Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
