I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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