u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize