Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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