dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
