Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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