I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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