ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
