I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
