I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
