my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
