Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm always down for nudity.
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